Here’s me recap and review of Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 4, called “The Spoils of War”. Cheers ya legends!
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Music used in this video:
Pearl Jam – World Wide Suicide
Ed Sheeran – Masters of War (Bob Dylan cover)
Intended as a cheeky work of Fair Dealing – parody, satire, review, commentary.
*"Pearl Jam – World Wide Suicide" playing* The Lannister army is leaving Highgarden after looting Olenna Tyrell retirement funds Jaime pays Bronn He quickly deposits the money into his horse The Iron Bank wanker is like: "Have I told you how much I like money?" "I love money!" "When you pay me back, I'll give you more money!" Littlefinger gives Bran-o a Game of Thrones collectible as a present He tries to become friends but Bran keeps telling everyone he knows their secrets It freaks them out big time Meera is like: "I'm leaving now, do you even care?" "Remember that time my brother died for you? That was funny" "Nah?" Nah, nothing Zero fucks given Arya is being rejected from Winterfell This scene is like watching me trying to get into a nightclub Sansa finds her in the basement gives her a hug and tells her Bran is home too Arya is like: "Holy shit, that's awesome! How is he?" "Yeah!" "Great!" "Great" "Yeah" "Yeah, yep!" He immediately tells Arya that he's been watching her She's like: "What do you mean?" He replies: "It's this new bloody hobby" "Yeah, this is what he's like now" Arya thinks about going back to Braavos Oh, he also asks her to sign his Game of Thrones collectible Dany wants to know how the fuck Wormsy can have sex without a cock I don't know how long Jon-o was standing there listening Anyway, he's been on an archaeological dig He shows off Dragon glass, and takes Dany to a local art gallery "I found proof of the army of the Dead" BAM That is as good as a peer-reviewed journal from the Citadel But she's like: "Mmh, I dunno" "I think Davos has stolen Greyworm's crayons" Jon-o is like: "Just fucking help us" Varys looks at his feet while Tyrion tells Dany all their plans have gone to shit She gets pretty angry Arya shows Brienne all of her cool moves Brienne is thinking: "Crikey! Where did she learn such cool moves?!" Podrick bloody loves it Davos asks Missandei if she wants to come to the pub Jon-o says: "Where not going to the pub" She talks about how great it is to work for Daenerys Theon shows up on the beach and Jon-o says: "I don't like you. I don't like you" Randyll tells Jaime all the gold has made it to King's Landing He asks if he can bash up the dawdling soldiers so they move faster "That's a little old-school Randy" Two minutes later, the Dothraki come charging over the hill "Should have let Randy bash up the dawdlers" Ah you see, now you gotta deal with a dragon, Jaime Dany yells: "BARBECUE!" And the dawdlers get absolutely roasted Fuck I will never dawdle again Unmanned horses are like: "Screw this shit, we're going home" The Dothrakis start doing their cool moves Aw! Fuck This is bullshit You can't even call this a fight There's a shit idea that's gonna do fuck-all This is me I would be one of these guys That's probably Ed Sheeran More cool moves AH, Jaime does a cool move They managed to kill one guy And this bit here is a good video for FailArmy Bronn has to leave his precious gold behind Here's another fail Bronn gets to the big fuck-off crossbow He says: "LET ME SHOW YOU ITS FEATURES" BAM! The Dothraki are getting cocky Tyrion is conflicted Bronn fires off another shot AND DROGON TAKES AN ARROW TO THE SHOULDER DANY HASN'T INSTALLED A SEAT BELT FUCKING DIVE BRONN DROGON WANTS REVENGE He's okay, I reckon he's okay Jaime charges at Dany He's thinking: "I kill your dad, I can kill you too!" Drogon says: "NAH MATE" "YOU'RE GONNA GET FUCKING TOASTED" OHHHHH! There's a big save from Bronn! Jaime's gold hand and armour is making him sink He's like: "I thought this was a puddle" "It's turned into a fucking ocean" "What a shit day, this has been a shit day" *"Ed Sheeran – Masters of War" playing* I hate war This episode makes me hate war, more than I already do I'm not good at picking sides Especially when I take the time to consider what it's like walking in someone else's shoes This battle sequence was amazing because I personally found it tough to pick a side I mean, let's break down the two major party candidates here On the one hand, we have a sheila in power who took the throne for herself She schemed and plotted the death of her husband She wanted her illegitimate kid to be king It starts to go downhill for her, but she has kept taking everything she could during the chaos Cersei is despicable, but I like her journey And I can see where it comes from She was unloved, ridiculed by Rob-o Although it's gross her kids were born of incest She's lost all three of them That's gonna fuck with anyone And when it comes to religion and government getting too involved with each other I can't say that I disagree with her that it's done for gods to dictate politics On the other hand, we have a sheila who comes from a family of conquerors They always had dragons So could say: "Don't argue, bend the knee, we have the power" We totally understand why the Mad King needed to be killed and the Targaryens needed to quit being in charged Jaime has told us how terrible it was "Tell me, if your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and stand by while thousands of men, women, and children burned alive, would you have done it?" But, Dany does have a softer side She was unloved and ridiculed by her brother She fought for slaves when no one else would I do like her journey as well We just, you know, I think at the core here We have a family who took power versus a family who feels entitled to have it So I dunno, I dunno if I could vote for either of these women If I lived in Westeros Actually, that's probably precisely the point The people don't even get a vote It gets me fired up Crikey! It was a great episode I mentioned last week I was super duper intrigued as to how the Lannisters would treat each other after Olenna confessed to killing Joffrey Even without Jaime and Cersei telling Tyrion they know he didn't do it He's still having trouble fighting against his family Obviously Jaime is gonna get out of this, and he will hopefully tell Cersei And yeah, imagine if they reach out with some level of regret or forgiveness for how he was treated That might be far-fetched Either way, it's only gonna get harder for him Peter Dinklage didn't need a lot of screentime here But boi oh boi, these shots of him are very emotional Outside of the final ten minutes, I'd say my other favourite scenes were the Arya and Sansa reunion I'm glad Arya warmed up to her throughout the scene The sparring match with Brienne The sharing of advice between Jon-o and Dany was top notch And it was a great episode for Bronn It's been nice to have some space from him for a while It's made his character stronger again This episode is called "The Spoils of War" And the title is taking the piss out of itself Is there any such thing as the spoils of war? You can get your spoils, and then you can lose them straight away When you are on the side that gets the spoils It means another side has lost out For young Dickon, that wasn't easy to witness There's a lot of people reuniting in this episode They've had some form of victory that brought them back together but they're not that happy Can there be any winners? Are there any spoils? Or is Westeros doomed to go round and round in circles and neglecting history, and only having more of the same in power, over and over again? [Outro Music – "Ed Sheeran – Masters of War"]